Keeping My Pregnancy Secret for the First 12 Weeks

The first trimester is rough, whether people know you’re expecting or not.

I found out that I was expecting when I was six weeks along. I called my office the very same day and made an appointment for an ultrasound and check-up when I was eight weeks along. I knew that I didn’t want to tell anyone, except for Colter, until we had had a doctor’s appointment and an ultrasound to confirm viability and to reassure me that everything was fine. This left me with about two weeks to keep it a complete secret and four weeks after that to keep the circle of knowledge tight and tiny.

Those two weeks while we waited for the doctor’s appointment were full of speculation, Googling, worrying, planning, and staring at my stomach. At six weeks, babies are the size of a sweet pea and at eight weeks they are the size of a raspberry. So my stomach looked exactly how it did before I got pregnant. Not that those facts stopped me from staring at it all day long.

The ultrasound was amazing. Our little bean looked like a tiny little seahorse. I had no idea what I was supposed to be looking at until the tech pointed to it and used the measuring tool. The baby looked good, my uterus and cervix looked good, and the heart rate was strong and fast. My doctor asked about how I was feeling and gave me a lot of really helpful information about the first trimester. What to expect, how to handle any nasty symptoms, and other answers to questions that my anxious pregnant brain had at the time.

We decided that we would tell both of our parents and our siblings that weekend, and that was it. We would wait to tell our grandparents, aunts, uncles, friends, coworkers, and the general public, until the end of the first trimester, once the chances of miscarriage were much lower. We also each told one friend.

The ultrasound was the Tuesday following Father’s Day, so on the following Sunday, we gave both of our dads (and moms) belated Father’s Day gifts. We got my dad a shirt that says “Papa Established 2020” and my mom a shirt that says “Promoted to Gran 2020”. (These are the names they have had picked as their grandparent names for quite some time.) Colter’s mom got a shirt that says “Grandma Established 2020” and we got his dad a baseball cap that says “#1 Grandpa” on it. They were all completely surprised when they opened the bags and so excited for us. We our siblings by showing them a picture of the ultrasound on my phone. They were also bouncing off of the walls with excitement. Colter and I are both the oldest in our families, and the only ones married, so Baby Merrell is the first grandchild and niece/nephew on both sides of his/her family.

When we told them that the news was an absolute and complete secret until twelve weeks, everyone agreed, despite wanting to shout the news from the rooftops.

One week after the ultrasound (when I was 9 weeks along) Colter and I left for 13 days in Lake Powell and Moab. We had overlapping family reunions, first with the entirety of my mother-in-law’s side of the family in Lake Powell, and then with my dad’s side of the family in Moab. I was very nervous about someone figuring it out and my cover being blown. As far as first trimester symptoms go, mine were pretty mild. I didn’t deal with morning sickness at all (and I haven’t for a single day the entire pregnancy), but I was bloated, moody, extremely exhausted, and my pregnancy skin was super sensitive to most sunscreens (I had hives for weeks until we figured it out. Thanks summer). Luckily, because my mother-in-law and father-in-law knew, they were both very helpful in covering for me. My mother-in-law made sure that I was eating plenty, wearing sunscreen, and staying extra super hydrated. My OB had told me that I wasn’t allowed to participate in any water sports or activities that could possibly cause water to be forced into the birth canal. This included water skiing, surfing, wake boarding, tubing, cliff diving or jumping, and zip-lining. Basically I was allowed to swim, ride on the boats, and go on hikes, so long as I protected myself from the sun all the time and drank more water than a camel.

We had an awesome week. Colter’s grandma actually figured out that I was expecting, based on my overall grumpiness, exhaustion, and willingness to just take it easy. She got the two of us alone one night and asked us if I was pregnant. And we straight up lied to her face and told her that I have a problem with motion sickness on boats and that my allergies were really wiping me out. She acted like she bought it and left us alone after that, but she told us later that we didn’t completely fool her.

The time we spent in Moab was much easier. We were only with extended family for a few hours each day. We rafted the Colorado River, which I had gotten the okay from my doc to do and it was a blast. I think if I had backed out on that, they all would have known that something was up.

Once we got back from we only had to keep the secret for another week and a half or so. I went back to work and we just sat on our hands waiting to be able to announce it. After our twelve week check-up we went public with the news!