Keeping Baby’s Gender a Surprise!

I had decided years ago that when I someday became pregnant with my first baby that I didn’t want to find out the gender before he or she was born. I had decided this for a few reasons:

• My mom didn’t find out my gender or the gender of any of my three siblings before we were born.
• I didn’t want to get a flood of baby pink or baby blue hand-me-downs months before the baby was even born
• It sounded fun.

When we found out we were expecting in June 2019, I instantly knew that I didn’t want to know the sex before the birth. Colter, my husband, was not on board at all. He wanted to know whether the baby was a boy or a girl the minute we found out there was a baby at all! We got the positive test when we were six weeks along and had our first ultrasound at 8 weeks. Our next ultrasound (the anatomy scan) was going to be scheduled for 20 weeks, so I had 12 weeks to convince my husband that waiting to know if we were team blue or team pink would be worth it.

I eventually convinced (bullied) Colter into agreeing not to find out the sex at our ultrasound. I honestly thought that as soon as I was back in that exam room and could see my little guy or gal on the screen, that I was going to chicken out and have the tech tell us the gender. But once we were in there, all I cared about was that Baby Merrell was growing strong and healthy. I don’t even think I considered asking the tech the gender because I was busy being wrapped around a tiny little person’s tiny little finger.

To be totally honest, I’m very happy with my decision to not find out the sex of our baby. In addition to the reasons above, I’ve found some other benefits like:

• Sibling usage – All of our big ticket items (crib, carseat, Pack N Play, etc) are gender neutral, so we will be able to use them for siblings down the line, regardless if this baby is our only girl/only boy.
• Budget friendly – I have saved so much money. Every time I go into Target or Etsy or Jane, I am bombarded with adorable clothes for teeny tiny little boys and girls. If I knew what flavor Baby Merrell was, I would have spent all of our disposable income on baby clothes and shoes. But instead, when I see an adorable onesie or outfit in blue or pink, I tell myself I have to wait because I don’t know the gender yet. I’ve seriously saved hundreds of dollars
• Deflection – People get so wrapped up in the fact that I don’t know if my baby has XY or YY chromosomes that I don’t get nearly as many comments about my belly or body in general. People forget to judge my energy levels because they are so distracted with the one part of my pregnancy that I have control over.
• I am kind of a control freak – My need to have control is a little more fulfilled. I know it sounds backwards, but I literally don’t get to choose anything about this pregnancy. But I got to choose whether to know the gender or not, and I get to stick with my choice.

Plus, I only have 10 more weeks of pregnancy to wait until I find out if I’m going to be a boy-mom and completely outnumbered or if I’m going to get a little miss on my team (even though I bet my daughter would be a total daddy’s girl…and I couldn’t blame her).

NOT GOING CRAZY WONDERING (EVEN BEING “VERY TYPE A”)

It seems like every other person that I talk to about not knowing the gender of my baby says, “Oh gosh, I could never do that. I’m way too much of a planner. I’m very Type A.” (Cue a giant eyeroll from me.)

Now, if you know anything about me, it’s that I am a planner. I do not think it is physically possible for me to pack a bag for any duration of a stay without first making a list, revising the list, sample packing the bag, and revising the list again before I commit to the contents of my duffel bag. I make daily, weekly, and monthly checklists. I have alerts in my phone for every payday that organize my budget for me. I actually list keeping my calendar up to date as one of my top three hobbies. So if anyone understands what ‘being a planner’ means, it’s me.

So how on earth do I cope with not knowing if my baby is a boy or a girl? Not knowing what color clothes to buy or how to decorate the nursery. Not being able to pick out the perfect name beforehand and have it monogrammed on everything baby-related I can find on Etsy. How do I not lose my mind over this stuff? The answer for me is simple. Instead of planning for one baby, I get to make two plans: one for a baby boy and one for a baby girl.

For example, the nursery. We are lucky enough to have a room that we can dedicate to being the nursery, and my nesting instincts have been in force since like week 13 of this pregnancy. And I want to have it decorated appropriately for our little guy or gal. So here’s what we’ve done:

• The walls are painted a light gray. I’m pretty sure the name of the paint had something to do with seals, but I honestly don’t know.
• All of the trim and the furniture is white. The bookshelves, the dresser, and the crib have all been painted the same white color.
• The handles of the dresser are a dark teal blue. I know that blue is traditionally a “boy color” but I’m the mom, so I get to do whatever I want with my baby’s room
• The curtains we have hanging are navy blue colored blackout curtains.
• The glider we have registered for is gray.
• If Baby Merrell is a boy, then I will open my little Amazon app on my phone, open my wish list entitled “Baby Boy Nursery” and purchase the decor that I have saved there. The decor includes a clock, some wall hangings, and some cute sheets for the crib. All the decor is whale and nautical themed, so it will go nicely with the existing gray, white, and blue palette of the room.
• If Baby Merrell is a girl, then I will open my little Amazon app on my phone, open my wish list entitled “Baby Girl Nursery” and purchase the decor that I have saved there. The decor in this list is all in whites, blush pink, and rose gold. The items are really similar: a clock, some wall decor, and some cute sheets for the crib. I think that gray, white, blues, and blush pink with gold accents is an adorable color palette for a little baby girl’s room.

As you can see, not finding out the gender and keeping my sanity isn’t possible because I’m not a planner. For me, it’s possible (and enjoyable) because I am a planner. I am comfortable in my ability to prepare for more than one outcome.

TIPS FOR THE REGISTRY AND BABY SHOWER

I am very lucky to have a lot of friends and family that live close by and many, many people who love me and this baby. I will be having three baby showers total. Two of the shower will take place before Baby Merrell arrives, and one will be thrown afterwards. I left the timing totally and completely up to the ladies that offered to throw me showers, with one condition. I made it very clear that if anyone wanted to wait and throw a shower after the baby arrived so they would know sex and name of the baby, either the baby would not be anywhere near the shower or the shower would have to be postponed until mid-April or later. I made this rule because I know that any shower or family get together after the baby comes is going to be “Baby Sharing Time” or “Baby Hot Potato” and I am not comfortable with that many people handling my baby until flu season is behind us.

As for the two showers that are being hosted pre-baby, I made a registry to try and ease the gift giving. I had a couple of goals in mind as I built my registry:

• Gender neutral – I only included items and clothing that are suitable for either boy or girl. (I love the Simple Joys by Carter’s Baby Neutral line on Amazon.)
• Range of Prices – I have items listed on my registry from $6 all the way up to $300+ and everywhere in between. Hopefully everyone can find something they want to give (or go in on with a group.)
• Things I Will Actually Use – I spent a lot of time building and editing my registry. I only registered for products that I researched and truly believe I will use
• Gift Cards – I made sure to include a tab for gift cards from Amazon and Target, because when all else fails, gifts cards are my go-to gift.

Well, there you have it. Everything I have to say about not finding out the gender of my baby. It was definitely the right choice for me with this pregnancy, but I totally believe that it is not for everyone. And since I bullied Colter into riding this crazy train with me, I’ve promised him that when we have another baby in the future, he gets to decide whether we find out the gender or not and who we tell and how we tell them and all of that.