Preparing for labor and delivery can feel like trying to eat an elephant. Today, I’m going to give advice to the soon-to-be dads out there!
Hello all you nearly-dads out there! I’m so happy for you and your beautiful glowing partner and your growing little babe. I know that labor and delivery are nerve wracking for mom and I’m sure they are for you too! Today I’m going to give you all my advice and tips for helping mom through labor and delivery!
CONTENT WARNING: this blog post contains anatomical terms and layman descriptions of parts of the female reproductive system. If you would like to skip that section of this post, please click here and then continue scrolling.
UNDERSTAND WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN
I’m going to go over a few procedures and terms you are likely to encounter during L&D and explain them in layman’s terms. (I am not a doctor or medical professional. None of this has been evaluated by a medical professional. Please refer to your doctor for all medical questions and concerns).
L&D – this stands for Labor and Delivery. This is the floor of the hospital where moms labor and babies are delivered. After the baby is born, you will stay on this floor for a hour or so, then usually move to the Postpartum floor for the remainder of your stay.
Cervix – this is the neck of the uterus. It is located at the bottom. All throughout pregnancy, it is constricted, preventing anything from leaving the uterus while the baby is growing. Once labor begins, hormones in mom’s body will tell cervix to relax its muscular walls, allowing the opening to get bigger and allow the baby to exit.
Amniotic Sac – Not only is your baby contained inside the uterus, but it is also living in a very thin sac. This sac holds the amniotic fluid around the baby and keeps infection out. During labor, this sac will break or rupture. This may happen at the very beginning of labor or it may not occur until right before mom starts to push.
Placenta – This is an organ grown inside the uterus with the baby during the first three months (first trimester) of the pregnancy. This organ is grown on the inner wall of the uterus. It is attached to the growing baby by the umbilical cord. This organ takes oxygen and nutrients from mom’s body, converts them so that baby can use them, and delivers those nutrients to the baby’s body through the umbilical cord. The placenta is about the size of a salad plate and weighs about a pound by the end of the pregnancy. It is delivered right after the baby is delivered, but usually doesn’t take much effort from mom. However, because it was attached to the inner lining of the uterus, it leaves a large wound behind on that inner lining. This is one reason for postpartum bleeding. It needs to heal and in order to reduce risk of infection, nothing should penetrate mom’s vagina for 6+ weeks after delivery. (Wait for her OB/GYN’s okay).
Dilation/Dilated – this term refers to the widening of the cervical opening during labor. The cervix goes from being contracted closed to be dilated (or opened) to a ten centimeter wide passage for baby. When you hear the doctor talking about dilation and saying things like “You’re at a 4,” or “You’ve progressed to a 7,” they are referring to how many centimeters across the opening in the cervix is. At ten centimeters, mom is ready to push.
Effaced – this term is also talking about the cervix. Before labor, the cervix is tall, skinny, and closed tight. By the end of labor, the cervix is flat, wide, and open to ten centimeters. The flattening and widening is called effacement. They talking about effacement in percentages. 100% effaced means that the cervix is totally flattened. (Think of the cervix as going from the neck of a beer bottle to the neck of a jumbo jar of peanut butter. Tall and skinny to flat and wide.)
Progressing – when labor is progressing it means that contractions are getting stronger and more frequent, the cervix is dilating and effacing, and the baby is getting closer to delivery.
Water broke – remember the amniotic sac we talked about earlier? The thin membrane surrounding baby and the amniotic fluid? When someone says their “water broke” they’re talking about the amniotic sac breaking open and the amniotic fluid leaving mom’s body. This can be a trickle or a flood of fluid, but it is a sign of labor.
Epidural – an epidural is a pain management option for moms laboring in a hospital. An anesthesiologist inserts a catheter (small tube) into mom’s spinal canal. This is where her central nervous system is. He or she injects a numbing agent that reduces or eliminates the pain from contractions and birth. Many moms opt for this because labor can be painful and will be exhausting.
Contractions – contractions are the uterus (which is honestly just a big, baby making muscle) flexing in a rolling downward motion to dilate the cervix and to move the baby down and out. They are a good thing and necessary for progressing labor, but they can hurt like a b****.
Pitocin – this is a medication that may be given to mom to induce or increase her contractions. It is an oxytocin substitute and administered via an IV. Oxytocin is the hormone mom’s brain release to induce contractions on its own. Pitocin is typically started in low doses and increased every 30-60 minutes to help labor to progress.
Umbilical Cord – this is the large cord attached to your baby’s belly at birth. This cord is how baby received oxygen and nutrition via blood from the placenta. It will be cut soon after delivery, leaving a short stump behind. This stump will heal, dry out, and fall off within a couple of weeks, leaving your baby’s belly button behind.
KNOW HOW TO GET TO YOUR BIRTH FACILITY
Whether you are going to a clinic, a birth center, or a hospital, it’s important that you know the best route to take to get there. Have a backup route that avoids rush hour traffic if that happens to be when baby decides to come.
You also need to know exactly where to go once you arrive. Know where to park and which doors to go in, depending on what time you arrive. Know where to check-in once you arrive. Knowing all of this in advance will help your baby’s birthday get off to a great start.
KNOW YOUR BIRTH PLAN…AND BE PREPARED FOR NONE OF IT TO HAPPEN
One of the biggest steps of labor preparation is writing a birth plan. Mom may have a carefully articulated and researched plan, or she may just have a general idea of what she would like during her labor.
Either way, you need to know what mom’s preferences are inside and out. Once she is in active labor, vocalizing her wants and needs is going to become increasingly difficult. She needs you to advocate for her, to listen to her, and to support her birth plan.
Some things to know include: whether she wants an epidural or not, preferred positions for labor, if she has particular music to listen to, her affirmations, her methods for pain management, her doctor, how far along she is, when she started contracting, etc.
Make a list in your phone. Ask mom what she needs you to know before she goes into labor. The more prepared you are to support her, the better mom with feel.
I also need to add that there are going to be a lot of things you have absolutely no control over. Make sure that you know your family’s preferences and that you are there to support and comfort mom if nothing that she pictured is working out the way that she wants it to. Also, make sure that you have a doctor that you both trust.
READ THE ROOM
You know your partner, but you’ve never met your partner in labor. Read the room while she’s laboring, especially if she is laboring without an epidural.
When I delivered Calvin, I did 90% of my labor unmedicated. I chose to do it that way and was very happy with my choice. However, while I was trying to relax and breathe through contractions, Colter wasn’t reading the room very well. He was working on some paperwork for the hospital, and kept asking me questions about dates and social security numbers and the like. Normally, or if I had had an epidural, these questions wouldn’t have bothered me. However, since I was having consistent contraction pain, those questions drove me absolutely bonkers and I snapped at him. He stopped asking all those questions and we finished the paperwork later.
This is what I mean when I say to read the room. Mom’s needs and comfort come first. Paperwork and such can wait.
Here is a quote from my husband regarding the paperwork issue during my labor, “Paper Work. There is going to be a lot of it, and there are two ways to go about things like paperwork. The first, best, and most beneficial way is to simply wait…wait for baby to be out and asleep for the first time, and do the paperwork then. Second, if she has gotten an epidural, she may be fine and comfortable enough to answer questions. However, if she is in active labor without pain meds, take the first option and DO NOT TALK OR ASK ABOUT PAPERWORK.”
HAVE SNACKS READY FOR YOURSELF
Labor could take anywhere from two hours to two days if I’m being honest with you. You don’t want to leave mom in the middle of that, so make sure you’re prepared with some decent snacks.
Some things to remember when picking them out:
- Don’t choose anything too smelly. You’re likely to be in a small room and smells linger
- Don’t get anything mom will be too jealous of. Mom’s are usually put on a ‘clear liquid’ diet once they’re admitted to L&D. This means they can only have things like ice chips, jello, broth, and water.
- Clean up after yourself
- Foods you like, but also with some nutritional value are best.
BRING TWO COMFY PAIRS OF SHOES
One of my husband’s biggest regrets was that he only had one pair of old tennis shoes at the hospital when we had our little boy. As the dad, you’re going to either be sitting in semi-comfortable chairs or standing on hard linoleum. Colter said the thing he wished for most were his crocs. Comfy, cushioned, easy to slip on.
Two pairs of shoes means you have options. When your feet get tired and sore in one pair of shoes, switching it up will change the pressure on your feed and give you some decent relief.
BE PREPARED FOR A LOT OF LIQUID
There are a lot of bodily fluids involved with having a baby. From blood to amniotic fluid to urine to vomit. There are a lot of liquids going around. Colter, to this day, says that the worst part of my labor for him was when I threw up from the epidural.
In his words, “I was prepared for everything but my wife throwing up, and that was for me the shakiest part of the process. I wasn’t ready to watch my wife sit up, ask for a bag, and casually hock a mouthful of vomit into the bag before [lying] back down.”
COME PREPARED FOR UP TO A COUPLE OF DAYS OF LABOR
Labor can last anywhere from an hour to a couple of days. It all depends on the mom and on the baby. For example, when I was in labor with Calvin, my labor lasted about ten hours. When my mom was in labor with me, she was in labor for thirty hours. If mom’s labor ends up being hours upon hours long, you will likely be in want for something to do.
Colter wishes that he had brought a Roku stick/Chromecast/Amazon FireStick to plug into the television in the room so we could watch Netflix, Hulu, and our other streaming services. We did have my laptop and an HDMI cord, but it was kind of cumbersome. A streaming stick definitely would have been much easier. I’ve heard of other dads bringing books, iPads, Nintendo Switch gaming consoles, and laptops to the hospital as well. Get mom’s opinion, but especially if she has an epidural that is working well, she may want something to pass the time too.
Also, make sure to bring both of your phone chargers, bricks, long cords, and an external battery, just in case.
There you go, dads! And, congratulations.
BARREL OF MERRELL'S 
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