Calvin and Della are 22 months apart in age. So when Della was born, Calvin knew some of what was going on, but he wasn’t old enough for us to reason with. In the weeks and months leading to her birth, we did all we could to prepare him for the transition.
I absolutely love having my kids close to each other in age. They are just under two years apart (a couple days short of 22 months) and there are so many perks to the age gap, but it was also a pretty challenging transition for Calvin to lose his position as Baby of the Family before he had even turned two.
There were lots of things that I worried about when thinking about having Baby #2, both for myself and for my firstborn. Here are some things I did to help both of us with the big changes we experienced.
CALVIN GOT HIS OWN BABY DOLL
This is a really common suggestion for preparing your toddler for a new sibling, but it worked for us. We practiced holding the baby doll, being soft with her, changing her diaper, and wrapping her in a blanket. Once Della was born Calvin really made the connection. When I would take care of Della, he would take care of his baby. He loved to have her swaddled up and her lay her down for naps in the Moses basket when Della wasn’t in it. It was also a great way to deflect Calvin when he was loving on Della a little too hard. If he wanted to pick Della up, for example, I would redirect him to picking up his baby instead.
WE PRACTICED WAITING FOR MOMMA
I knew that one of the most challenging things for Calvin was going to be that I wouldn’t always be available the instant he wanted something from me. Especially considering I planned on nursing the new baby as much as possible. About six weeks before I was due, I started having Calvin practice waiting.
Sometimes when I was sitting on the couch (where I planned to nurse most of the time) and Calvin needed me, I would tell him, ”Calvin, momma needs to sit on the couch right now. Momma can help you in a few minutes.” The first few times I told him this, I only made him wait 20-30 seconds before I got up to play with him or help him with whatever he needed. I gradually increased the time increments until eventually when he was told that Momma wasn’t available right now, he would go off a play by himself until I came to help him.
Once Della was born, the transition from ”Momma needs to sit on the couch right now” to ”Momma needs to nurse right now” was pretty simple. Sometimes Calvin didn’t want to wait or to play by himself, and in those situations I would invite him to bring us a book to read or I would get up to help him while burping Della between sides.
A SEPARATE SPACE WAS CREATED FOR BABY
When I was pregnant, I impulse purchased a Moses basket from a seller on Etsy during a bout of insomnia. It arrived from Ghana and I had quite a bit of buyer’s remorse. I was worried that we were never going to use it and that I had just thrown money down the toilet. I was happily very mistaken.
The Moses basket was the perfect safe place for Della to lay and sleep out in the living room with us while Calvin ate and played as usual. We set the boundary early on that the basket was for Della only. Calvin has never been allowed to climb in or on the basket, whether Della was in it or not. It was also where Della took all of her non-contact naps until she was five months old. We got hours and hours of use from our basket and it still looks new. We’ll be able to use it for all of our babies down the line.
WATCHED VIDEOS OF REAL BABIES DOING REAL BABY THINGS
This started out with us watching lots of videos from when Calvin was a baby. Videos of him eating, burping, crying, rolling, sucking on things, spitting up, you name it. I wanted Calvin to understand that having a baby wasn’t going to be all fun all the time. I especially wanted him to get used to the sound of a baby crying and to understand that it wasn’t a big deal or something for him to worry about. Whether it was because of the videos or just Calvin’s personality, Della’s crying has never bothered him too much.
WE TALKED ABOUT WHAT HAVING A BABY WOULD BE LIKE
I told Calvin as much as I could about what life would be like after his little sibling was born. I talked about how tired momma would be, how the baby would be pretty boring for him at first, that I would let him help as much as I could, that momma and daddy would play with him when we could but we wouldn’t always be able to, and the like. Yes, eventually Della will be fun and they’ll be able to play together, but first we would have a baby who would mostly eat, sleep, and cry. I don’t know if it made a huge difference, but I know that at least any expectations his little mind had, they were a little more realistic.
I CURATED A CAPSULE WARDROBE FOR THE BABY
Not knowing the gender of either of our kids before they were born means that most of our newborn and 0-3 month baby clothes are pretty neutral and easy to pair. When shopping for Della’s clothes, I made sure that everything she has is cute, simple, and it all matches.
Having options like this means that Calvin has been able to pick out Della’s clothes lots of times without any help. As long as he grabs either a one piece outfit or a top and bottoms, I know that whatever his choice is will look fine. He loves having this ”job” and getting to actually help with his little sister each morning.
CALVIN WAS FULLY WEANED FROM BOTTLES AND PACIFIERS
Both of my kids have been big pacifier babies. Calvin used his night and day until he turned one when we transitioned him to only using them for sleep. I knew that the two best options for Calvin would be to either wean him completely from the paci several months before his sister was born or to wait until things had calmed down and we had settled into being a family of four before weaning him. I didn’t want to take one of Calvin’s comfort items in the middle of a big life change. I also didn’t want the loss of pacifiers to be so fresh that Calvin would be trying to steal binkies from the baby. We weaned him from his binkies at eighteen months and from his bottles shortly after. Both had been gone for two months or longer by the time Della was born.
OUR SINGLE STROLLER WAS UPGRADED TO A DOUBLE
Calvin loves to go for stroller walks, no matter the weather. So we upgraded our single jogging stroller to a Mockingbird Single-to-Double long before Della was born. Having a newborn-friendly double stroller from the get-go meant that we could continue one of Calvin’s favorite activities without much disruption to the stroller walk routine. Calvin really appreciates the time we spend walking with him and when Della joined us it made our walks that much more fun.
To read my review of our stroller as a single stroller, head HERE. To read my review of our stroller as a double, head HERE.
WE GOT THE BABY DIFFERENT BOTTLES THAN CAL USED
Not knowing if Della would nurse well enough to go without bottles, we bought a few before she was born. I decided to choose a different bottle than we had used with Calvin for two reasons. First, I chose a bottle with a different nipple shape in the hopes that our second baby’s latch would be better than Calvin’s was. Second, I didn’t want Calvin feeling like the new baby was ”taking” his bottles. Calvin loved his bottles so much before he was weaned and was still using them with a straw lid when Della was born, so I figured keeping the peace was the most important thing.
This ended up being a non-issue as Della is been exclusively nursed from Day 1 with no signs of stopping, but I stand by what we did and will do the same with future siblings.
I love the relationship my kids have with each other and I am so grateful that the transition from one to two children hasn’t been the nightmare I worried about (for me or for my oldest). The jealousy and rivalry that I have been working hard to dissuade seems to have been kept at bay so far!
BARREL OF MERRELL'S 
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